Well thank God for the internet and the amazing people at Buzzfeed who are always on it with the v important, hard-hitting news issues because now we have that story. And honestly I really needed a win today. Not only did I commute from Long Island this morning *shudders* but my apartment has decided to fall apart one wifi hotspot at a time. So, yeah, I really need
to watch a fuckboy burn at the hands of vicious internet trolls this win rn.
Anyway, the story begins as all stories do with a girl, Sylvia, falling for a boy, which I shall refer to as Anonymous Fuck Face. Sylvia dates Fuck Face, Fuck Face
plays Yahtzee with her emotions falls for her, earns her trust, moves in with her, and then flees the country because he’d rather not get “tangled up” in a breakup. In typical fuckboy fashion, he posts the story of how he bravely and heroically screwed over the woman he cared for on Buzzfeed because of fucking course he did. In his statement Fuck Face says:
Okay…so…just to get this straight, you thought the mature way to treat a human being you shared your life with for three years—THREE YEARS—was to completely abandon her like she’s your leftover Pad Thai in the fridge? OVER CHRISTMAS. On Jesus’s fucking day? Really? Is nothing sacred to you fuckboys anymore?? I think my immediate reaction to this information is:
And people wonder why I’m always
one hundred percent serious joking about setting this whole damn city on fire. Lol I’m so random.
Anyway, years go by, this guy continues to live his life like the human pond scum that he is, his ex is still “forgotten history” as he so fondly refers to her, and then one day the director of the school where he works quits. Because, yes, the man whose job it is to shape young minds is also the man that abandons women over Christmas. *internally screams* Whatever. The best part of the story is the person the school hires to fill the position and be his immediate supervisor: HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND SYLVIA.
I. Am. Shook. I don’t think I’ve felt this self righteous since jean skirts came back into style.
Being the troll that he is, Fuck Face has taken his problems back to the people of Buzzfeed, asking how he
can avoid being set on fire after the summer break should handle this situation:
Lol do I EVER have some constructive comments for this guy.
This is literally the dream scenario for any woman scorned and honestly, I hope she takes this shit to the next fucking level when she finally starts working there. Like, Syl, put him on blast. Start a rumor he’s a pedo, key his car, sic the PTA on his ass, the world is your
revenge fantasy oyster.
Anyway, thanks for this, Buzzfeed. There’s nothing like starting your week with a good social crucifixion. If you need me I’ll just be trying to figure out if there are any immediate job openings at my ex’s place of work. You know, just in case. I’m feeling v inspired.