YOU GUYS, TAYLOR SWIFT JUST ANNOUNCED A NEW ALBUM CALLED TODAY, AND I AM LOSING IT. I haven’t breathed in 10 minutes. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Needless to say, after presumably also not breathing for 10 minutes, fans have taken to Twitter to start dragging Kim Kardashian and Kanye West following Taylor’s announcement. Seriously, there are a billion tweets about Taylor Swift’s dragging Kim K and Yeezy. Everybody’s got jokes. Go figure.
Why is every goddamn person on Twitter suddenly a comedian when it comes to Taylor, Kim, and Kanye? Well, if you think back to a long time ago, when things were relatively simpler, but still infinitely f*cked up, you’ll remember the Taylor, Kim, and Kanye drama of 2016, in which our lord and savior Kimberly Kardashian dropped a series of Snapchats ~exposing~ Taylor for sort of, kind of, maybe lying about not knowing about Kanye’s lyrics mentioning her in his song “Famous.”
But alas, just when we thought the dust had settled, that grudges had been released, and that we could all focus on more important things, like the fact that Donald Trump looked directly at the solar eclipse, Taylor Swift deleted her entire Instagram, posted three videos of a f*cking terrifying snake, and announced a goddamn album. And of course, her fans are having a field day:
Are Kim and Kanye cowering in fear and currently fleeing the country to raise their children on a secluded farm in a European countryside now, all because Taylor Swift announced an album with a creepy snake that may or may not be a dig at them? Unlikely.
You guys, if I’m being completely honest, none of these people have a single thing to worry about. Kim, Kanye, and Taylor are literally all millionaires. They’re gonna do them. Can they just pay off my student loans and be done with all of this?
Anyway, Kim/Kanye fans and T-Swift fans, prep your troops, your ear lobes, and your Twitters, because Taylor’s first single off the album will be released on Aug. 24, which is TOMORROW NIGHT, according to her Instagram. Meanwhile, the entirety of will metaphorically hit you in the face on Nov. 10, 2017.