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Everyone wants Chris Pratt’s FBI agent from ‘Parks & Rec’ to replace James Comey

With a reality TV star in the White House, a pro wrestler angling for a 2024 bid, and everyone from Oprah to Papa John being put out as a potential candidate, who even caresabout the integrity of any of our institutions?

Let’s have a damn fictional character from a TV show head up the FBI. Put Judge Joe Brown on the Supreme Court. Let’s have the Weekend Update people be press secretaries and put the horse that won the Triple Crown in charge of the Department of Agriculture. Have a celebrity chef run our school lunch policy (Ed. Note: This has already been doneand failed miserably). Make Michael Phelps head of the Navy, and whatever, fuck it, put like seven rocks as the head of Treasury.

But not any old rocks, those fancy rocks. I think they’re called geodes.

Everyone on Twitter joked that Chris Pratt should head the FBI. (NotChris Pratt himself, not even a fictional character Chris Pratt played, but a fictional character of a fictional character he played.)

And Chris Pratt was like “I’ll do it.”

He’ll do it.

LOL HA HA HA.

WHY STOP THERE??

LET’S PUT STAR-LORD IN CHARGE OF NASA AND OWEN GRADY CAN RUN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT AND THAT NAVY SEAL HE PLAYED IN ZERO DARK THIRTY CAN STAFF JSOC.

Let’s put Bert Macklin in charge of the FBI, smdh.

I vote no.

No.

Stop it.

I swear am I the only one still sane in this country? The FBI should be run by Clarice Starling.

What do you think?

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