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White House pets, ranked

For far too long, White House pets have escaped public criticism, shielded by a facade of cuteness.

It’s time to break that precedent and admit the truth: not all White House pets are created equal. Some are fluffier than others, and some just have quirkier names.

In order to determine each and every pet’s worth in this world, we present the definitive ranking of every White House pet.

Judge for yourself, and then modify your opinions to complement our judgements. Thanks.

25. Marlon Bundo, the rabbit

President: Vice President Mike Pence

Note: He knows not what he’s caught up in.

24. Dick, the mockingbird

President: Thomas Jefferson

Note: Was apparently allowed to fly freely around what is now the State Dining Room.

23. Barney and Miss Beazley, the Scottish terriers

Image: Corbis via Getty Images

President: George W. Bush

Note: Not to blame.

22. A bunch of weird silkworms

Image: china photos/Getty Images

President: John Quincy Adams

Note: Very odd.

21. Royal Gift, the donkey

President: George Washington

Note: An actual royal gift from the Spanish king.

20. Hector, the French poodle

President: Grover Cleveland

Note: Dated a St. Bernard.

19. Bo, the Portuguese water dog

Image: Getty Images

President: Barack Obama

Note: Bo is fine, but pales in comparison to the rebellious Sunny.

18. Liberty, the golden retriever

Image: getty images

President: Gerald Ford

Note: There’s no excuse for his dumb name, but we love this dog’s can-do attitude.

17. Pauline Wayne and Mooly Wooly, the cows

President: William Howard Taft

Note: Did Mooly Wooly keep her name when she got married?

16. Checkers, the cocker spaniel

Image: Bettmann Archive

President: Richard Nixon (while serving as vice president)

Notes: Checkers was the only thing that made Richard Nixon seem human.

15. Old Ike, the ram

President: Woodrow Wilson

Note: Old Ike loved to chew tobacco, and was known for attacking White House staff and police.

14. Him and Her, the beagles

Image: Francis Miller/The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images

President: Lyndon B. Johnson

Note: These dogs had model dog cheekbones.

13. Washington Post, the double-yellow-headed parrot

President: William McKinley

Note: Washington Post was way better than McKinley’s rabbit, the Failing New York Times (jk).

12. Macaroni, the pony

Image: Getty Images

President: John F. Kennedy

Note: This pony was a gift to Caroline Kennedy and received thousands of fan letters.

11. Old Whiskers, the billy goat

Image: wikimedia

President: Benjamin Harrison

Note: Has great posture.

10. Socks, the cat

Image: Smith Collection/Gado/Getty Images

President: Bill Clinton

Note: Starred in his own video game.

9. Pushinka, the mixed-breed dog

Image: Bettmann Archive

President: John F. Kennedy

Note: Daughter of a Soviet celebrity space dog.

8. Feller, the cocker spaniel

Image: Bettmann Archive

President: Harry S. Truman

Note: Truman hated dogs, so when a woman from his home state of Missouri sent him Feller, he was quick to give him away. The president later lied to a reporter who asked him about the dog’s whereabouts, claiming, “Oh, hes around.”

7. Satan, the mixed-breed dog

President: John Adams

Note: We don’t know what this dog looked like, but we do know that his name was Satan.

6. Rex, the cavalier King Charles spaniel

President: Ronald Reagan

Notes: This dog doubles as a neck pillow.

5. The bathtub alligator

President: John Quincy Adams

Notes: After a French general gifted Quincy Adams with an alligator, he did what anyone in his position would do: stick it in a bathtub for months.

4. Pete, the squirrel

President: Warren G. Harding

Note: It’s a squirrel! Haha.

3. Rebecca, the raccoon

Image: Herbert French/PhotoQuest/Getty Images

President: Calvin Coolidge

Note: Rebecca was sent to the White House to be eaten, but the Coolidges family decided to make it a family pet instead. Tough call.

2. Just a bunch of mice

President: Andrew Johnson

Notes: While President John was being impeached, he became increasingly depressed. He began to leave flour out at night so that a family of white mice would come out to play with him.

1. Sunny, the Portuguese water dog

Image: Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

President: Barack Obama

Note: Bit a White House visitor’s face during final weeks in office.

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