But theres only so much coconut water and aspirin a betch can take without going crazy, so its in your best interest to try to mitigate a hangover before you go out. If you take the following precautions, you might spend only three hours in bed tomorrow morning instead of the usual six. Best of luck, comrades.
1. Alternate Shots & Water
Most betches understand the science of hangovers better than anything they learned in biology class, but in case you missed it, the headache is mostly the result of dehydration. Alternate a shot of alcohol with at least a little water, and you might wake up tomorrow feeling merely gummy instead of like a desiccated corpse. Yes, youll be in and out of the bathroom all night, but suck it up and take some drunk selfies while youre there.
2. Go Easy On Bubbly
According to a decent amount of research, fizzy alcohol gets you drunk faster because carbon dioxide or something. You obviously know your limits, but know that youll get lit way too quickly if you accept that offer to do a keg stand with Champagne.
3. Eat Dinner (A Real One)
Eating a legit dinner before you go out seems counterintuitive to me. Why would you eat a bunch of food when itll just soak up the alcohol and make it harder to get drunk? Plus, even clear liquors have calories, so youll just feel fat. Research shows that food slows the absorption of alcohol, so its true that you wont get drunk as quickly as you would if you skipped dinner.
But getting drunk slower also means you wont get wasted and puke in someones trashcan at the pregamesave that for when youre rolling up to the club, where its totally acceptable to boot and rally (as long as you do so discretely). In the morning, youll hate yourself less because you didnt go full-on blackout, and you wont wake up starving to death. Its a win-win.
4. Stock Up On Juice
Alcohol causes wacky blood sugar levels, so keep some juice in the fridge to help it even out in the morning. IMO, youre totally justified in claiming youre going on a cleanse this weekend.
5. Stick To Light Liquors
Hangover researchers (aka heroes of the modern age) think that these things called congeners make hangovers worse, and theyre found in dark alcohols like red wine and whiskey. Good thing vodka sodas are already a betchy classic.
6. Take A Vitamin
According to Harvards School of Public Health, which probably knows what its talking about, alcohol depletes your body of important stuff like vitamins. After work on Friday, run to the store for those Flintstone gummies everyone loves.
7. Get Sleep The Night Before
Half of what makes hangovers so terrible is the sheer exhaustion. Getting legit sleep after a night of drinking is pretty much impossible, but you can at least get enough sleep the night before or nap before going out. Who doesnt enjoy an excuse to sleep more?
8. Make Brunch Plans
Above all else, make sure you have plans for brunch the next morning. After a few mimosas, you wont even feel the hangover anymore.